Caregiving & Holidays: How to Go From Burnt Out to A Successful Holiday Season
We’re only a few weeks away from Halloween. Then there is Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Kwanza, and Christmas just around the corner. As much as this time of year brings joy to so many, it can also be extremely challenging for caregivers who are playing double duty at home and at work. If you’re reading this, chances are you fall into that category.
Why is support for caregivers important?
Let’s face it, taking care of an aging parent or loved one while working full-time is no easy feat. For most caregivers providing care 24/7, the holidays can be a source of stress, anxiety, and even depression. Add on top of that all the responsibilities of being a working adult with responsibilities outside of your home…and it’s easy to see why so many caregivers struggle during this time of year. The good news is there are ways to make this season not only bearable but enjoyable too. Here are eight tips about caregiver support in the San Francisco Bay area from our online therapist that will help you navigate the holidays as a caregiver:
Set realistic expectations
For many caregivers, the holidays are a time of heightened stress and anxiety. There are expectations about what you “should” be doing for your loved ones and what you actually want to do. You might be hosting a holiday meal or attending a number of get-togethers and events. You may be feeling pressured to buy the perfect gift for everyone on your list. All of these things can create a lot of unneeded stress and pressure.
Try to take a step back and set realistic expectations for yourself. Break down all the things you “should” be doing and create “action steps” that are realistic and manageable. Try to avoid getting into the “should” mentality. It will only put you under more stress. If you have to skip hosting a big holiday meal or attending every party, that’s okay! We have found that many of our clients at Bay Area Therapy for Wellness are afraid to ask for help or to bow out of things that are just too much. Don’t be afraid to be honest or enlist the help of friends and family members to help you meet your goals.
Clarify expectations with less than helpful family members
If you're like most families, unfortunately - most caregiving responsibilities fall on one person and other people seem to vanish into thin air when roles and responsibilities are brought up.
But, It's bound to happen at some point during the holidays—you'll have an encounter with a family member who doesn't understand or appreciate what you do as a caregiver. Maybe they'll make a thoughtless comment about your caregiving duties or try to take over without asking first. Whatever the case may be, it's important to remember that you're not obligated to explain yourself or justify your choices to anyone. It may be helpful to have a conversation with this person beforehand so that you can clarify your expectations and set some boundaries. But don't put too much pressure on yourself—be realistic about what you can handle, both emotionally and logistically.
Consider support for caregivers through outside help
If you're unable to enlist the support and help of family members to step in and provide care so you can have a much needed break, consider hiring a care attendant, also called caregiver, home health aid, respite provider, home care attendant, home care provider, care worker, or hired help to meet that need. Or, consider asking a close friend that may be willing to step in for a few hours to give you a break.
Caregiving is tough work, and it's okay to ask for help—in fact, it's essential! Reach out to close friends or family members who you know will be supportive and see if they're willing to pitch in with childcare, cooking, errands, or whatever else you may need help with. And when someone does offer to help, don't be afraid to accept it! It takes a village, after all.
Set boundaries with extended family & friends
While you may want to give your time and attention to everyone, you have to be careful not to spread yourself too thin. Set boundaries with people in your life, especially during the holidays when your time is limited. If you have an uncle who loves to talk about conspiracy theories or a family member who always wants to talk about the latest drama while in your presence, be honest about your limitations. If you don’t have time to host a large holiday party or family gathering, be honest about that too.
As A Caregiver Make Sure To Take care of yourself During This Time Too
The key to a successful holiday season is finding ways to enjoy the moment while also not overwhelming yourself with extra responsibilities. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stressed, fatigued, or burnt out as a caregiver, it might be time for some self-care. Take some time off from caregiving and focus on yourself.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the festivities and forget to take care of yourself. However, you are the most important person in your life. You can’t take care of your loved one if you aren’t taking care of yourself. To avoid burnout, make sure you are getting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet (we know, we know... all of the desserts!), and finding time for activities that bring you joy. If you are feeling extremely stressed out, take a step back and find ways to relieve that stress. Take a break from social media and find a hobby that brings you joy. If you have time, check your community calendar for things your town may be putting on. In Livermore, they do a "Lights of Livermore Holiday Tour" which is a super fun ride on a trolley, a 2-hour break may help you find your holiday spirit!
All of the below can be enjoyed from the comfort of your own vehicle and are enjoyable for all ages and our furry family members!
San Jose: Blinky’s Holiday Drive Through or Christmas in the Park
Tracy/Manteca: Holidays on the Farm (Hopefully opening for the 2022 Season!)
Pleasanton: Hometown Holiday Celebration
If you’re up to doing some walking, there are a ton of things to do in San Francisco:
And – don’t forget Filoli’s
If you practice religion and participating in specific activities surrounding the holidays are important to you, explore ways now (caregiver, friend help, online services, etc) to ensure that you can be present and participate.
Don’t put off your everyday responsibilities
As a caregiver, you may feel the need to “absorb” all of your loved one’s needs. You may feel the need to say “yes” to every invitation and event that pops up during the holiday season. We’ve seen this happen a lot with our clients as online therapists in California. They feel the need to attend every holiday party, spend time with every family member, host holiday meals, and spend time researching gifts for everyone on their list. All of these things can add up to a lot of stress and you may find yourself putting off things like laundry, pill sorting, dishes, etc in lieu of these “more fun” activities. But, if you feel that you are becoming overwhelmed with all the things on your plate, try to be selective about which obligations you take on and balance your normal day-to-day responsibilities. Be mindful of your home needs, your loved one’s needs, and your own limitations.
Create a holiday caregiving calendar
Create a calendar or schedule for each family member. On the calendar, list out each person’s needs and “must do’s.” For example, if a family member has a doctor’s appointment or therapy session on a certain day, prioritize it and explore options for transportation if needed.
If someone on your calendar has dementia, make sure you account for the moments when they are more likely to become confused or disoriented and avoid additional stimuli at that time.
If you have multiple family members with different needs and schedules, you can create separate calendars for each person, or one big calendar for a quick overview of all schedules at once.
Having some sort of calendar system can help us visualize all of the things that we "have to do" and the things we "want" to do and can narrow things down from there.
Create a gift registry for yourself & loved one
This is especially helpful if everyone is always asking you what they need. If you exchange gifts - a gift registry is exactly what you and your loved one need! Pro Tip: Have a gift registry open year-round to add things as they pop up instead of trying to come up with gift ideas on the spot. Amazon is fantastic at this!
For caregivers who are hosting the holidays, hosting gift-exchange parties, or attending holiday parties, you can sign up for gift registries for yourself that are specific to your interests and share with others when they ask for gift ideas!
You can also request experiences for yourself! Maybe a spa day at Purple Orchid – think facials and massages! A manicure and pedicure or a trip to have your hair professionally washed, cut, and colored. If you’d like to spend some time in nature, don’t forget the amazing hiking locations we have throughout the tri-valley, specifically in Livermore and Pleasanton.
Also, you can ask friends and family members to create one for themselves. That way, you can buy gifts that you know the recipient will love without spending so much time and energy trying to come up with the perfect gift on your own.
Maybe the best gift isn’t something that can be bought. Could you use help with home repairs? We don’t typically think of home repairs as a gift for the holidays but as a caregiver, these might be some of the most helpful gifts to take some things off of your plate and lower your stress levels.
Get support for caregivers by having someone help with:
grab bars that need to be installed
smoke detector batteries that need to be changed
lightbulbs to be changed
boxes to be broken down
trees trimmed
Excess garbage taken to the dump
Organizing
Help putting away holiday decorations before February rolls in (or even decorating!)
Celebrate the Holidays with Friends & Make New Connections!
Find a way to get out of the house and spend time with friends. If your loved one is not a fan of going out or is unable to, try to find an activity where you can relax at home or see our “drive-through” holiday experiences above! You can even sign up for an online activity or “live event” that interests you.
You can find a variety of online activities and support groups related to the holiday season and being a caregiver if that’s what you’re looking for. You should also consider attending holiday events that welcome caregivers like holiday parties hosted by your local caregiver organizations or seek them out online.
The Holidays Struggle is Real
The holiday season is a special but challenging time for caregivers. From increased responsibilities to navigating family dynamics, it can be tough to keep everything together. But by following these tips, you can make it through the holidays without losing your mind! With some planning and forethought, you can survive—and even enjoy—the holiday season!
If you’re looking for extra support for caregivers, don’t forget to reach out to our specialized caregiver therapist, Stephanie.
Want to Start Getting Caregiver Support in the San Francisco Bay Area Before the Holidays?
At Bay Area Therapy for Wellness, I offer grief counseling and support for caregivers. I can guide you through the complicated emotions that accompany caregiver burnout and the grieving process. One of the things I do as an online therapist and grief counselor in California is to help you start the next chapter in your life after the death of your loved one. Get started by following these steps:
Start meeting with me as your grief counselor in the San Francisco Bay Area
Start making sense of your conflicting emotions and start moving forward!
Other Counseling Services We Offer in San Francisco, CA
At Bay Area Therapy for Wellness, we specialize in providing mental health support for families, caregivers, and those living with terminal or chronic illnesses. Additionally, our Bay Area therapist offers therapy for depression, anxiety, and grief. All of these counseling services are available throughout California with online therapy.
