7 Ways To Make The Most Of Your Final Visits With A Dying Loved One
When you learn that someone you love is dying, your first reaction might be to rush to their side. After all, they won’t be around forever. What if you don’t make it in time? Is this the only opportunity you have left? These are some of the thoughts going through your mind when learning about a loved one’s impending death. What still needs to be done? What has been left unsaid? And while these reactions are perfectly normal, they aren’t necessarily helpful. The stress and anxiety that come with learning about their impending death can also make it harder for you and them to spend time with them in the weeks or days that remain. Instead of rushing to their bedside without a plan, take a step back and consider how best you can support them and make the most out of your time together.
Don't be afraid to ask questions of the medical professionals
The last thing you want to do is come off as uninterested or not being there to support your loved one. The best way to go about this is to ask questions that are specific to their situation, such as what their prognosis is, what symptoms to look for and what you can expect in terms of an end-of-life trajectory. This will help you understand what to expect, which can reduce some of the fears and anxieties you and your loved one may be feeling. You can even ask questions like, “what can we do to support their comfort level and uphold their dignity?” or “What will it look like when the body begins to shut down?” The medical professionals around you have seen this process many times before, and they can guide you through the best way to support your loved one during this time.
Be present and listen to your loved one and ask them to tell you about their life - now is a great time to reminisce
When you are with your loved one, focus on being present and listening to them. This is the time for you to ask them questions about their life and listen intently as they respond. Many people wish they spent more time listening to their loved ones and less time rushing them through their stories so they could get back to their own lives. This is the best opportunity you have to connect with your loved one on a more personal level and learn about the person they are, possibly even before you were in the picture, like before they became your parent!
You may discover new things about them that you never knew before, or you may even hear stories you have heard them retell before. When your loved one is able to focus on you and the questions you have for them, it can help shift their focus away from their pain and symptoms. This can help them be in the moment and enjoy their time with you, even if it is shorter than they would like.
Learn about their final wishes and help plan the goodbye
No matter how hard you try, you likely won’t be able to predict the exact moment when your loved one will pass away. However, you can help them plan the way they want to say goodbye. When you visit your loved one, take the time to talk about their goodbye and what they would like to do. Ask them about their funeral arrangements or other final wishes they have and help them organize their thoughts if necessary. This can help put your loved one’s mind at ease and allow them to feel more in control in their final days. This will also help you understand what they would like before they are no longer able to express their wishes. You can help them finalize any arrangements they need to make and organize their thoughts around what they would like their last days and hours to look like. This will allow them to feel as though they have control over the situation and how they want to be remembered.
Help with financial and legal matters with permission
If your loved one is in a position where they need assistance managing their finances or legal issues, offer to help. However, be sure you ask for permission first. If your loved one has an attorney and that attorney has given you the authorization to help, you can learn about their legal matters and offer assistance. You can also help with financial difficulties by helping them navigate the financial assistance they may qualify for and other ways you can support them financially. For many people, managing finances and legal matters are sources of stress and anxiety. You can help alleviate some of those feelings and make their life easier by helping with these types of issues. This will allow your loved one to focus on their health and get the rest they need as they transition into hospice care. This can also help ease some of the guilt your loved one may have by feeling as though they are a burden on you or other loved ones.
Help with practical matters such as taking out the trash, managing groceries, paying bills
You may find that there are other practical matters that need attention, such as taking out the trash, managing household bills, or managing utilities. If your loved one is in a position where they need assistance with these matters, offer to help. For many people, managing these types of matters is a source of stress and anxiety and the last thing they want to deal with. You can help alleviate some of those feelings by offering to help with these types of tasks.
Take care of yourself
You may feel like the best way to support your loved one is to drop everything and rush to their side. However, you need to also make sure you are taking care of yourself. This can mean anything from making sure you are getting enough sleep, eating nutritious meals, or taking time out for self-care activities such as yoga or meditation. This is important for two reasons. First, you need to be healthy so you can take care of your loved one. Second, you don’t want your stress and anxiety to interfere with your loved one’s experience with you. This doesn’t mean you have to make a clean break with your loved one. Instead, you can find a balance between focusing on them and also making sure you are taking care of yourself so you can be there for them in the best way possible.
Summary
These are some of the ways you can make the most out of your time with your loved one. They don’t have to suffer in silence or feel like a burden. Instead, you can make their final experiences a positive one by being there for them and helping them organize their thoughts and wishes. Most of all, remember not to rush things. This can be a positive and transformative experience for everyone involved.
Begin Working With A Grief Counselor in the Bay Area
Grief may be something that everyone experiences at some point, but you don’t have to face it alone. A grief counselor can support you in coping with the remaining time you have with your loved one and help you make the most of it. I’m happy to offer support from my Bay Area-based practice, and across California. To start your therapy journey, please follow these simple steps:
Schedule your first appointment with a grief therapist
Start making the most of your time with loved ones
Other Online Therapy Services Offered With Bay Area Therapy for Wellness
Through online therapy in California, I offer more than just grief counseling. At Bay Area Therapy for Wellness, you can also receive family therapy and support for caregivers and those living with chronic illnesses. I also offer depression treatment and anxiety treatment. Feel free to visit my blog for more helpful information!
